Come back oh crumbly soul~

I'm back! haha, pasti pada bingung deh.. Tumben Achie cepet banget move on nya.. zzzzz

Sebenernya setelah postingan terakhir, Gw dapet banyak banget pelajaran.

Yap, pelajaran tentang harusnya Gw ngga main-main sama perasaan Gw, pelajaran tentang harusnya Gw tetep pada pendirian dan apa yang udah disepakati ga boleh plinplan, pelajaran tentang rasa memiliki dan rasa sayang.

Ah, i have a lot lesson from him! 

Dan yang paling penting adalah pelajaran buat bisa bangkit dari segala keterpurukan Gw ( tanpa harus menyesali apapun yang udah terjadi ). Yeah, Gw ngerasa harusnya Gw mengasihani diri Gw sendiri karena berkompromi sama hati Gw. Gw bermenye-menye di postingan terakhir, seakan dunia Gw berhenti ketika Gw kehilangan dia.

Lagi-lagi Gw inget sama lagunya mocca yang Life keeps on turning , Yeah, Losing you is not the end of the world, but it's true, that's DEFINITELY HURT.

Iya sakit, sakit banget.. Saking sakitnya Gw jadi mati rasa. Jujur aja, sekarang ini Gw lagi menutup hati buat siapapun..Kalau boleh Gw pinjem kata-katanya si Dee, sekarang ini Gw lagi mau recovery dulu lah..

Being single and enjoy MY OWN life. Lagian, Gw masih Achie yang percaya sama Tuhan dan segala mujizat yang bisa DIA kerjakan. Pasti Tuhan lagi menyiapkan yang terbaik buat Gw..

Hmm, oke, sekedar sekilas info aja, Gw sama Dee masih bertemen baik sampai detik ini.

Malahan pagi ini kita ngobrol panjang via bbm. Emang gak bisa Gw ceritain disini, tapi mungkin ini juga salah satu alasan Gw bangkit lagi. Ada hal-hal yang tidak bisa dipaksakan di dunia ini.

Gw gak bisa memaksakan punya hubungan special sama Dee, dan Dee juga ga mungkin memaksakan Gw buat ngelupain dia. All i have to do is, protect my heart. Losing my feeling, without forgetting him.

Dan Dee masih tetep jadi penyemangat Gw buat ngeblog. Ngga tau kenapa, tiap Dee bilang "keep posting ya.." atau "lanjutin nulisnya ya.." itu selalu buat Gw balik ke masa-masa obsesi Gw sebagai penulis.

Dan inilah gw sekarang. I'm ready to fly~~~

after almost two weeks

Fuih.. it is almost 2 weeks after i broke up, but nothing changes..I still feel my life goes grey.. Not black neither white.. it's in the middle..in bahasa, ppls often said "mati segan, hidup tak mau" and it is in me now.. I feel lost my spirit, even sometimes a few of my besties come to support me, they encourage me, and in another hour i got my self drowning in my tears..oh, i really hate to be weak. this is trully not really me.. I on my past is achie = the cheerup girl. And now, i felt like i lost my power, i don't know why.. Is it because LIFE goes me on the real life? make me more mature? make me change into real 'woman' with serious thought, without cheering up anymore? it's sounds scared you know.

Or maybe my love life is really suck? God still didn't want me find my soulmate so i could be focus in my relationship with HIM? is that true, GOD? Many question i couldn't answered or i didn't find the answered.

Anyway, i made this post is just for make my badmood thrown away from these day..

I still love my P, still missing him everyday, everytime, everyhour, everyminute even everysecond. I can't tell to anybody especially my besties, because they will call me 'stupid girl' yeah, now i'll call my self by this nickname. i do feel sooo stupid, until now, wishing him come back to me *that's the most impossible thing ever* but, i still wish any miracle. oh, i believe even GOD can do it, HE choose to do it nothing.

Okay, i still have normal brain. my brain always told me to forget him, to letting him go or maybe to let my self stepped forward.. But what about my heart??? i'll call my heart as my h. 

my h always stands on the opposite of my brain. my h always breaks my efforts to forget him..

I believe ppl will agree with me, that  heart and brain will never cooperate as well even they're both in the same body. Yeah, that's what i feel. i dooo, i wanna moving forward, i don't wanna cry anymore for PJ ( the one who never love me ) but my heart screaming out that i still love PJ, still need PJ ( even he's soo farr awayy from me ). So i feel like i have an eyes but i cannot see. i run from the fact. i played with my fated.
This is really bad situation, and i really hate this *i've told it twice in this post*
And the worst is, i cannot fixed my relationship with GOD. Actually most ppls will come to GOD when she/he broke up. But what about me? i run away from HIM. oh GOD, please help me..
I'd try manyyy times to come back to you, but i feel i'm not too good to meet YOU. I really wanna fix all the messed up things in my messed up life.
I hope i could mooving forward, soonest. whatsoever the way. I HAVE TO!
Goodbye my lover P.. i hope we could meet someday, in our another life. and, i still and will always miss you..

@chieliciouz

holiday with my fam..

waw, i got a very nice holiday yesterday..
setelah selesai ibadah di gereja, gw, kakak gw, abang gw, mama sama papa, jalan2 ke daerah gianyar buat makan ayam taliwang yang yummy banget..
truss, sempet2nya mampir dulu ke sukawati, cuma beli sendal jepit, daster2 buat dirumah *agak kurang kerjaan emang..
abis dari situ, kita ke Bali Cultural Park, kertalangu..
papa sama abang mancing disana.. kalo kita cewe2 sih duduk2 aja di saung/alias gazebo..
hmm, what a beautifull holidayyy! just enjoy the pic!!
yayyyy......!

my heart, why u feels so MELLOW today?!

Eh, eh.. ada apa sihh sama hati gw?
sebenernya ga cuma hari ini aja sih.. tapi dari kemaren..
arghh, ini semua gara2 my P..
yang sampe skrg masih bkin gw gundah gulana..
my P knapa dy susah bgd ditebak ya?
sabtu kemarin, dy bkin hati gw terbang tinggi, karna dy nyanyiin lagu buat gw

[andra & the backbone- tak ada yang bisa]
tapi kemaren, dy males banget angkat telpon gw..
dan hari ini dy ga ada kabar lagiii!
emg dy ga ada pulsa, tp, ah.. biasanya kan dy pinjem hp temennya..
knapa skrg ngga? apa bener dugaan gw tentang smsnya dia yang wktu itu?..
kalo dy blm ngrasain apa2 sm gw, dan pengen mengakhiri semuanya???
gw ga siap!
aku sudah pernah terluka, dan aku ga mau dia jadi luka baru bagiku..
arggghh, why it so hard for me?!

Puisi dadakan

aku bisa saja bersandiwara saat tersenyum.. tapi aku tidak bisa bersandiwara ketika ingin menangis..

copyright @chieliciouz

Ragu~

arghhh, PUJA bner2 bikin gw bingung..
dy tuh tau ga sih, klo gw udh mulai serius sama dy?!
tapi dynya malah ragu sendiri..
gw tau banget, kita berdua sama2 ksepian..sampe akhirnya kita memutuskan buat jadian,
semua orang pada terbelalak! emg unbelievable rasanya..
tp kenyataannya its been 16 days we share together..
knapa baru 2 hari yang lalu dya ragu?
skarang gw yang bingung..
semalem terlintas penggalan puisi buat dya, here it is :
Bagai malaikat tanpa sayap, inilah jiwaku tanpanya..
tak mampu melambungkan harapku tinggi..
Dia yang telah mengobati lukaku, jelas ku tak mau dia menjadi luka baru bagiku..
Jadi yang kuinginkan dia tetap disampingku..
Meski hanya setengah hatinya ku miliki..
Hingga nanti dia kan mengerti..